The Crush, Attraction & Love. knowing its true difference.
Introduction:
Many has been said in an attempt to differentiate the various stages of emotions especially the emotion of love. The world at large seem to be driven by this age long question of perfectly discerning the word love and when it can be said to be appropriately felt, channel and explored. Many find it difficult to describe their state of love feelings towards another person, they really can’t tell if its love or just a sensual sensation that makes them feel in love. Many no longer trust their feelings as they have followed like feelings before to start a relationship which didn’t see the light of day. Many wonder what true love feels like because all they know and feel comes and go and they wonder if true love really exist. Its human default mode to want to love and be loved and if it is starved of this great prerequisite need and left empty then he or she can become a creature in a monster form. Many has explored the possible cause of this menace and authoritatively lay it upon things like gender difference and temperaments, other says its tied to background and other says its tied to traits. Hmm, it’s amazing how this singular quest has sent most of the best brain and sharp minds into research. Children, teenagers, adults alike all trapped in this. Of course many factors need to come to play to make a person fulfilled in life just like it took many factors to make him or her unfulfilled. Many has sacrificed a lot in the name of love and many has been betrayed a lot in the name of it. I believe the hurting side of it all is the fact that only love brings a sense of fulfillment that is unique to it and yet makes everyone who exposes his/herself to it vulnerable to hurt so deep. To love is to be vulnerable and it is this vulnerability that scares many and make them shy away from love and yet miss out of the juice of this great emotion nature has blessed man with. No book can contain all that love stands for, for God is Love Himself.
Understanding emotions.
- The Crush: this is the state of emotional ecstasy, a state of emotional obsession over the feeling of love. Note that feelings are like vibration that stimulate the sensory nerves of human emotion in the soul just as thoughts are vibration that stimulate the mind. Now the soul is comprised of the will the mind and the emotion. The emotion is the chamber that deals with feelings as the mind deals with logic and reasoning. Crush in itself is a strong emotion of love feelings that is not often traceable to any knowledge of the object of affection. It is like a raging lion. It is not normal and is never healthy, it’s like the rise of tides that is destine to fall in no distant time. For me I believe a crush is just a means to show how alive our emotions are and it’s a green alert to show us the capacity stored in it to love but it’s not meant to be followed. Crush is an involuntary rise in the feelings of love to its affectionate object which is not anchored on will or knowledge. It’s actually a healthy impulse if not allowed to be overtaken in it because it doesn’t last and it acts crazy. Crush in itself doesn’t possess the basic characteristics of love as we will see later on. Crush doesn’t regard choice both of the feeler and the object of affection, it doesn’t regard acquaintance, and it’s not patient, it demands more than its willing to give, not sacrificial and very hallucinating in nature denying reality and living in fantasy. It operates at a high vibration of impulse and thus requires a lot of adrenaline and it deploys a lot of energy that is not healthy for a smooth ride in love relationship. It leaves its victim exhausted and fatigued. One of the way to maximize this strong obsession is to ignore it while it last/active and act towards its direction when its dead because it was actually pointing out on something but just so much in a way that is unhealthy.
- The Attraction: the pulling force, its opposite is the pushing force. Like the name implies it’s like a magnetic force that pulls metals and iron fillings to itself. Attraction in itself is not love it is the point of been pulled towards things that are of value to a soul. Beneath the values that causes for attraction also lies the habits that causes for repulsion. Everybody is naturally attracted and pulled towards anything they esteem e.g. Mr. A can be attracted to a very vivacious lady whereas Mr. B is repelled at the same lady. This is so because what the two men hold in great esteem and values are completely different and not necessary because something is wrong with the lady in question. Now it is most natural for a man to be attracted to a woman in terms of affectionate love than it is for a man to man.
I need you to understand that they are forces that makes a person attractive and they are forces that makes a person repulsive and a basic knowledge on gender difference will do a lot good here. A man can get attracted to a lady from a distant and that may stare up his emotion of love towards the lady but on getting close he discovers the repulsive forces in the girl outweighs the attractive forces that should make him stay and so he vied off. Beauty may attract somebody but beauty in itself cannot warrant love that will sustain that attraction. As it is with guys, it is most natural to be attracted to a lady who is respectful, cheerful and playful than it is to a bossy, annoying and always serious minded lady. And also a lady gets easily attracted to a caring and loving man who can meet her emotional needs. It is very easy to think you really love the person you are attracted to even if it takes years, do you know why? Because anytime you see the person those values you esteem that caused the attraction are always there, so even if it takes years, the beauty is there, the smiles are glowing, the caring touch are intact, so you always feel a rejuvenated feeling of love anytime you see them and easily conclude you are really in love just because it lasted longer than crush. I will want to let you understand a very important truth at this point that there is nothing called love when knowledge and choice is absent. You can be attracted from any distance near or far but to really love you must have a true knowledge of the person, and when I mean by knowledge I don’t mean been merely aware, I mean really getting to know the fears, dreams, aspiration and motivation of the person and then upon that, you choose to love the person then the emotion of love will be released in due time as the law of proximity will soon take its place. I believe the attraction force explain why a matured guy might spend years trying to get a lady he is attracted to and when he eventually does, the relationship doesn’t last and he comes out saying it’s not what he saw that is all there is. Attraction is good and very healthy but don’t assume it to take the place of love and propose with this stage because attractive forces always has a way of magnifying those traits and habits that caused the attraction and often leaves you daft and blind to the repulsive traits that lies beneath those values. Whenever you are attracted to anyone, the next thing to do is to build friendship and get to know the person not declaring your feelings of love to the person. I don’t fancy people trying to get to know themselves and become friends after they have kick started a relationship (it rarely works out on the long run but it’s possible though), it should be the other way round, friendship should forerun relationship. Friendship is a universal kind of intimacy that is actually the juice of all other forms of relationship, it can be found between lovers, father and son relationship, mother and daughter, employee and employer and so on.
You see a man can be attracted to more than two ladies at a time but when it comes to love he has to choose among the ladies to love. And we all as human are faced with every day, the act of making choices between two or more valuable things. The degree to which a person esteem certain values determines in the hierarchy of how the person will be attracted. But by default they are things that naturally causes for attraction based on gender difference. We will discuss what makes a man attracted to a lady by default and vice-versa in a new article.
- The Love: is a feeling that is sustained by knowledge and choice. Is a very healthy mixture of various emotional feelings at a good proportion. In love, we find a beat of jealousy, anger, tenderness, peace, joy and acts of patience, endurance, commitment and yet affection. Love is not just an emotional feeling, in fact love is only 30% emotionally inclined. Attraction, Knowledge, Understanding, Choice, Commitment and Emotions all comes together to constitute Love. You miss out on any of the progressive stages and depends only on emotion then you will have yourself to blame at the long run. It takes time to build because it’s meant to last for years. It requires patience and its patient. Love is a game of the soul and like we all know our soul is made of the will the mind and the emotion. To love a person, it has to involve the entire soul. So you get attracted, get to know the person and seek to understand the person then make the choice to love the person all the same and stay committed to that choice and having affection for the person then you can say you love the person. Love is never blind it’s just sacrificial and tolerate its emotional ecstasy that is blind not love. Love is progressive, it’s not a one-time thing. It is like a building that is built over time. People naturally are afraid of commitment and they want to be free so you see them running from pole to post, who told you love don’t cost a thing, it cost your time, energy, it demands your commitment, it requires maturity, needs patience grows on knowledge, sustain by understanding. Love is not for boys. When you truly get to this level with any soul then you will know the value of the investment you have made in so much so that you will find it difficult to let go. Today people break-up too often because they never where committed and thoroughly paid the prize so they bolt out easily. If love is all emotional and we know emotional feelings are vibrations that rises and falls like sea tides, then what happens when it falls and we don’t feel it anymore? Then we say we are no longer in love? You see, that’s why love has to do with choice because the bad and rainy days are always going to come, the crazy side of your partner is always going to surface someday, the human flaws and weakness are all inevitable, it will take your choice to stay and commitment to hang on even when the feeling seem dead to cross those bridges. It’s not fun and easy as most youths fantasize. Relationship is work and hard-work at that, but the reward is priceless. No wonder they call it soul-mate, an inter twin of two souls in so much so that their hearts beats as one, their minds thinks alike and they feel the same. It takes work to get to this level, it’s not a luck induced stuff. This shows why love is mutual and can never be one sided. True love makes you soul naked and vulnerable. Your fears, dreams, aspirations, motivations, weaknesses, goals and vision are all put on public display before your partner, this is what I will like to call been soul-naked and not many people want this, not many people want to expose themselves this much to anybody so they play it safe and wonder why they never find true love or soul mate. To every occasion you love to that same degree you are vulnerable to hurt. The fear of been hurt has kept many from experiencing true love, they only know how to get naked physically before their partner and not with their soul not knowing that sex is not love in itself. You see the reason why “first love” rarely amounts to anything at the long run is because usually the lovers or one of them is driven to think that love is all emotional.
Love was supposed to bring us a peace and satisfaction that is unique to it. Remember it’s not enough to feel loved we also want to love and dish it out and that’s why we seek after it. Now the hurt that usually accompanies love especially the first-love or the constant hurts we get by indulging our feelings with people who were either players or not serious, it gets us to a point where we give up on love and try to replace its quest for sex and money. But you see, in my opinion a lack of true knowledge and understanding of the reason why vulnerability and hurt been part of love is what usually turns innocent love seekers into monsters. Remember to every adversity comes with it equal or higher advantage of profit. People don’t stay long enough to get healed when been emotionally hurt, they bolt out and attempt to use a new relationship to prove a point to their x that they are not cheap and so on yet carrying in themselves those bitterness and hatred that will certainly hurt them more in the future. They easily resolve to a mindset of double dating and anything that will seem to give them a sense of being than been patient enough to go through the hurts and come out more matured and loving. For most of them they actually needed the hurt because they never understood self-love before they vied into relationship seeking to get someone else approval to feel loved. The hurt could make them seat down and develop enough self-love and give them a more sense of inward satisfaction before searching out for love but no, they don’t wait.
Conclusion:
I hope this little piece of article will serve the purpose for which it was written. We hope you get a better view and build upon the knowledge you got from this article. Thanks for your time, bye for now.
